‚ô• Monday, December 12, 2011
So much for trusting people. I gave a bit and end of the day. What did i get? Even when he says he dont like her or sth, then why would he scared that she will be worry? It's almost as though he doesnt want her to misunderstand.
"finally manage to find connection. I miss you; there is two beds; cus i dont want my baby to worried; dont worry there no feelings left" isn't this very wrong? His baby. And so which is the truth?
I asked him once, did he fall for someone. He said no. Then tell me why. Cause i wouldnt uds this. If he told me yes, i would feel hurt but it wouldn't be this hurting. and i wouldnt even see his phone.
No matter how close im with samuel, i wouldnt say stuff like theres two bed so dont worry. Why trying to assure and explain so much? Even saying he miss her. And finally got connection to give her a text.. When he claim no feelings is there. I told him last yr that stuff he do is very misleading most of the time. Oh ya. He did mention he has no feelings left for me in that message i saw. Then why he tell me its all time low?
He said no to falling for others. Then what is this that i saw?
He even said if i don't believe can ask her. But. End of the day he didnt even called her to clarify or anything.. So who to believe?
my friends would always ask me. U dont scare he meet other girls or what when both of u didnt meet? I would say no he wouldn't la. Plus he don't have the time. But... If i were to think again. Actually he does have some free time to. But i chose to say he wouldn't never did i once think that he would do this but... It actually happen.
I know it's partly my fault how this rs turn out. I know it's also my fault for looking his phone. But really i know his pw since the day we get back tgt when he just get his iphone last yr. I nvr once look at his phone. This is how much i tried to trust that didn't get regnorised. He always claimed i never. When actually i did even after aaron did to me. And what he did now... Was almost double of what aaron did. Cus aaron would admit it. But he told me nothing is going on. If its jus a dear, or whatsoever i think maybe i would have mistaken. But baby?
Called jie straight away. Cus i know i cannot take it anymore i feel like crying so badly. She was shock as well, we never would believe that he is someone like this. Called wins and told him, cus he was the one who told me, everything would be alright. But this time, he made everything wrong. Nth is alright. Nothing.
He just haven't realise how badly this has hurted me. With this. Im lost again. Don't show me any care and take it back. Im not a fish. I have feelings.
He even added they know very long already and he always find her when both of them are single. He said to me he don't fling. But isn't this almost flinging? But why haven i heard her name before when i told him i have a bro i called him baobei right from the start.. When he only told me he have a close gf that he treat as brother. When i open up all to him. But after knowing him a yr plus.. Then i heard about this baby of his, who is he trying to kid? Really, i feel like trying to believe him, cause, 3 cases shown me that he is not someone like this but.. This 3 doesnt involve with the name callings.
If people were to wonder why did i even unlock his phone, it's because i really want to know what is he thinking for the very first time i dont get what he's trying to do.
Therefore i hope to know wtf is going on his mind.
He scolded me for being irresponsible for running off the rm without telling him when he was bathing. Responsibility. He claimed but who does he have to be responsibile to? He's no baby sitter.
So much for getting myslf in shits again. This is the third time. When im serious, when i learn to give abit. I get more then what i want.
Is it so fucking hard to get what i want?
He said if he were to know im this emo he wouldnt even come this trip. I just want to say if im not emo, then this isn't love. If thing he do doesnt affect me at all. I would never hang and wait this long. 9 mths he claim that is how long he got to get the courage to get back but i stopped persisting on it. So why does it feel so onesided at times?
Then isnt it even weirder when he came and slp over at my place? I did asked if he want to climb in or not. Cus if theres nth gg on i dont want my dad to know although i didnt say, but is like a you should know thing. Cus. I never brought guys hm. Aaron was the first but usually he climb in. He was the second. He said no he dont want to climb in. So... Unknowing what is gg on i tried to stay awake the night and allowing him to have my bed. But he text me saying if im tired jus come in and slp. He didnt occupy the entire bed. I feel so weird that i told sophia. If she wanna call me, tell me in fb first. And she ask me as well why so weird.
Even im drunk i could rem him. Wtf is this?!
He said he dont like me wrking in nightlife. Sleezy might be the word. I try to quit. If he isn't that poor why would i work there? I wanted to help him unload his burdens as much as i could. But he seems to forget always that i dont get the same treatment as others. When he compared their rs and ours.
Isnt this abit taking for granted?
I dont rob, dont steal nor sell my body. Why doest he have to make me sound like one. I earn my own, spent my own. Never did i spent his single cent. Unless it's him who buy stuff randomly for me. And i did appreciate it.
He said stuff he do isnt regnorised by me to wins. Wins actually told me he text him. Which i didnt expect it. Really. He did it before even telling me. And then wins even scold me and somewhat stand on his side. Saying i was at the fault, shuldnt talk to him this way. Shuldnt put anger into wrds but all this he done it to me as well.
Then stuff that ive done isnt being regnorised as well. I know the more explaining the more darker it is. Therefore i nvr tell him this much.
This is too much for me to take.
I think, im emotionally unstable for the first time ever. Very unstable that i feel breathless and choke. And now I seriously feel that humans are all hypocrites. I admit im one as well but i'll never do this to people i care of cus.
If trying to impress someone was to show all ur gd and another person bad. I rather be dead.
It take two to clap. Two to walk, one to see. Blind by love indeed i am.
Even when he told me how stress he was yest, this time i could no longer link it to the message. What find someone calling them baby to destress? Is that it? Although i tried it before. But it ended us tgt. And yes its him. So how do i believe nth is gg on? Tell me. Sometimes i rather be dead. Really. As least a dead has no feelings. Just something soild lying there.
If u people were to be me... Will you believe in things he said?
Wanted to give him a surprise initially tonight but... I... Got no mood to do so anymore. I really jus feel like sleeping it away. And im not kidding. Doing so much. Dont say im being emo or what but i think i have all the rights being this way. Im not as fake as people are saying it feel terrible yet trying to be cheerful. Whats the whole pt?
Facade.
Labels: aaron koh, precious jiejie, S, trust
Blogged @ 6:49:00 PM
