No right-clicking
Jenny Copyrighted (c)
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‚ô• Monday, December 24, 2012
I know right, his is stupid. like WTH i spent on legos fig? Totally not me.
but. i did those having peoples in my mind.
this trip wasn't sth i expected and my necklace snapped before we even went.
wasn't really in the mood after it snapped.
Not long after I twitted about my necklace, BBDD was asking issit the agnes b necklace that he got for me previously, but for now, how I hope it was that instead of this.
):
during the trip when i was in the back in the room with yx, i tapped her data and notifications start coming in. nothing from _____. but instead, I saw a notification from fb stating, A____ K__ added you as friend.
WTH?!
I mean y is he adding me back when he was the one who came and read my blog and scold me then del me after he can't stand it when i say this is my blog he got no rights to say.
So much for trusting people. I gave a bit and end of the day. What did i get? Even when he says he dont like her or sth, then why would he scared that she will be worry? It's almost as though he doesnt want her to misunderstand.
"finally manage to find connection. I miss you; there is two beds; cus i dont want my baby to worried; dont worry there no feelings left" isn't this very wrong? His baby. And so which is the truth?
I asked him once, did he fall for someone. He said no. Then tell me why. Cause i wouldnt uds this. If he told me yes, i would feel hurt but it wouldn't be this hurting. and i wouldnt even see his phone.
No matter how close im with samuel, i wouldnt say stuff like theres two bed so dont worry. Why trying to assure and explain so much? Even saying he miss her. And finally got connection to give her a text.. When he claim no feelings is there. I told him last yr that stuff he do is very misleading most of the time. Oh ya. He did mention he has no feelings left for me in that message i saw. Then why he tell me its all time low?
He said no to falling for others. Then what is this that i saw?
He even said if i don't believe can ask her. But. End of the day he didnt even called her to clarify or anything.. So who to believe?
my friends would always ask me. U dont scare he meet other girls or what when both of u didnt meet? I would say no he wouldn't la. Plus he don't have the time. But... If i were to think again. Actually he does have some free time to. But i chose to say he wouldn't never did i once think that he would do this but... It actually happen.
I know it's partly my fault how this rs turn out. I know it's also my fault for looking his phone. But really i know his pw since the day we get back tgt when he just get his iphone last yr. I nvr once look at his phone. This is how much i tried to trust that didn't get regnorised. He always claimed i never. When actually i did even after aaron did to me. And what he did now... Was almost double of what aaron did. Cus aaron would admit it. But he told me nothing is going on. If its jus a dear, or whatsoever i think maybe i would have mistaken. But baby?
Called jie straight away. Cus i know i cannot take it anymore i feel like crying so badly. She was shock as well, we never would believe that he is someone like this. Called wins and told him, cus he was the one who told me, everything would be alright. But this time, he made everything wrong. Nth is alright. Nothing.
He just haven't realise how badly this has hurted me. With this. Im lost again. Don't show me any care and take it back. Im not a fish. I have feelings.
He even added they know very long already and he always find her when both of them are single. He said to me he don't fling. But isn't this almost flinging? But why haven i heard her name before when i told him i have a bro i called him baobei right from the start.. When he only told me he have a close gf that he treat as brother. When i open up all to him. But after knowing him a yr plus.. Then i heard about this baby of his, who is he trying to kid? Really, i feel like trying to believe him, cause, 3 cases shown me that he is not someone like this but.. This 3 doesnt involve with the name callings.
If people were to wonder why did i even unlock his phone, it's because i really want to know what is he thinking for the very first time i dont get what he's trying to do.
Therefore i hope to know wtf is going on his mind.
He scolded me for being irresponsible for running off the rm without telling him when he was bathing. Responsibility. He claimed but who does he have to be responsibile to? He's no baby sitter.
So much for getting myslf in shits again. This is the third time. When im serious, when i learn to give abit. I get more then what i want.
Is it so fucking hard to get what i want?
He said if he were to know im this emo he wouldnt even come this trip. I just want to say if im not emo, then this isn't love. If thing he do doesnt affect me at all. I would never hang and wait this long. 9 mths he claim that is how long he got to get the courage to get back but i stopped persisting on it. So why does it feel so onesided at times?
Then isnt it even weirder when he came and slp over at my place? I did asked if he want to climb in or not. Cus if theres nth gg on i dont want my dad to know although i didnt say, but is like a you should know thing. Cus. I never brought guys hm. Aaron was the first but usually he climb in. He was the second. He said no he dont want to climb in. So... Unknowing what is gg on i tried to stay awake the night and allowing him to have my bed. But he text me saying if im tired jus come in and slp. He didnt occupy the entire bed. I feel so weird that i told sophia. If she wanna call me, tell me in fb first. And she ask me as well why so weird.
Even im drunk i could rem him. Wtf is this?!
He said he dont like me wrking in nightlife. Sleezy might be the word. I try to quit. If he isn't that poor why would i work there? I wanted to help him unload his burdens as much as i could. But he seems to forget always that i dont get the same treatment as others. When he compared their rs and ours.
Isnt this abit taking for granted?
I dont rob, dont steal nor sell my body. Why doest he have to make me sound like one. I earn my own, spent my own. Never did i spent his single cent. Unless it's him who buy stuff randomly for me. And i did appreciate it.
He said stuff he do isnt regnorised by me to wins. Wins actually told me he text him. Which i didnt expect it. Really. He did it before even telling me. And then wins even scold me and somewhat stand on his side. Saying i was at the fault, shuldnt talk to him this way. Shuldnt put anger into wrds but all this he done it to me as well.
Then stuff that ive done isnt being regnorised as well. I know the more explaining the more darker it is. Therefore i nvr tell him this much.
This is too much for me to take.
I think, im emotionally unstable for the first time ever. Very unstable that i feel breathless and choke. And now I seriously feel that humans are all hypocrites. I admit im one as well but i'll never do this to people i care of cus.
If trying to impress someone was to show all ur gd and another person bad. I rather be dead.
It take two to clap. Two to walk, one to see. Blind by love indeed i am.
Even when he told me how stress he was yest, this time i could no longer link it to the message. What find someone calling them baby to destress? Is that it? Although i tried it before. But it ended us tgt. And yes its him. So how do i believe nth is gg on? Tell me. Sometimes i rather be dead. Really. As least a dead has no feelings. Just something soild lying there.
If u people were to be me... Will you believe in things he said?
Wanted to give him a surprise initially tonight but... I... Got no mood to do so anymore. I really jus feel like sleeping it away. And im not kidding. Doing so much. Dont say im being emo or what but i think i have all the rights being this way. Im not as fake as people are saying it feel terrible yet trying to be cheerful. Whats the whole pt?
zouk was like a 19 thing. to me. it's like WHAT?! we are back to zouk? HAHA! i remember the last time i went there was when im 19. young la nonsense. got drunk there, and yt yelled at aaron. sophia panicked. i kept crying. -.- this is what a 19 years old will do. drunk with jus few jugs of liquor. having no worries.
been long since i last party. real long. i cant really believe i did that. seriously
we drank moet like water yesterday.
thirsty. craves. whatever you called that. emotional breakdown will be my term though.
it has been very long since i drank sour plum. i didn't know that was call sour plum till yest. -.-" scared to br drunk so i dare not drink so much of it, drunk by it once there, ages back jus by 1 glass.
he said we tried hard. there's a part of me wanting to scream at him saying. no. u didn't even try hard. maybe a lil.
end of it. im still here. alone. it's never a right choice when i love someone. they would just end up leaving.
had been thinking alot on how to give him a surprise on his bday. but. now. idk, if i should do anything or not.
thank you for loving me once.
and finally for falling in love with another.
thank you for every footstep you left in my heart that is un-erasable .
this time...
i think, i would really start to learnt to hate.
just like how i hate him. words that doesn't make sense at all.
and very long ever since his fucking name appear in my blog. but. i saw that "post", immediately, i would see you as him. WTF.
im not affected by that call. but i jus find it dumb.
don't "you" feel ashamed of yourself? for insulting someone and ended up calling them? mofos.
had gotten over you like ages back if you did not try hard to ask me back. i happen to realise now that not only you like to "zhao chu" u are proud of it. lmao? fuck those years that we are together. shake head. get this straight, you sucks. being you sucks more cus everyone goes for your generous spendings only. you should know this very clearly.
JUST WHY... did i ever defended him. why did i ever turn my life upside down for something that doesn't worth anything. twice. i've done it twice. hurt two person and myself again and again. for almost the same reason. BUT NO it wasn't love that i defend him, it was jus sympathy. Twice i've done it. hahaha. why haven't i learnt the lesson in the past?
wtf. have i done?
tears couldn't stop rolling down. again. and again.
how i hoped, she isn't away, so i'd call her up.
i don't know seriously why did i made my life so miserable over someone who stabbed me just because of an entry. who doesn't reflect on himself but to point fingers at me. who called me a slut jus because he is mad. and not because im one. and says it was all an entertainment. GREAT JUS HOW GREAT. Are you happy now?
why did i made myself such a mess?
those tears i shed in the past was nothing compared to all the regrets i'm having now.
im not going to sympathy anyone anymore. it's never doing me any good.
am tired of trying to be nice already to everyone already.
hello, karma, letme intro u _______ he's an asshole.
all i want for christmas is you. It's like an impossible thing. i only sent 4 person the text.. three of them, are someone close to me. but you are an exception. and, all you could reply was, you are not santa. -_______-"
5 more kgs to shred, and it will be my ideal weight. but. KNN. my fats are still here even when im weighing 6kgs lesser then before. FML. i weight my weight after i hang up phone with sophia. -.-"
tell me now, how to get rid of those fats. urghs. ok. wadever. i don't really bother anyway.
HELLO 45 again (: although i did not even tried to slim down by my own. it feels great i wonder, how much more would i weight lesser?
yest, lost about 10 bucks. -.-" i have no mood to play. and. i kept trying to connect my phone to the net. but it kept failing. this really sucks. sighh.
I am not gonna give up. (^c^,) I'll stay here. even if the sky is falling down.
your regrets are too late. almost 3 yrs of hell. it's enough. really.
suddenly i felt that i feel so disgusted by almost everyone.
first you dun treasure when things are yours, then you came crawling back. and then, wrote such stuff still intend to ask me to go back? wtf is this? lame. i could just say, im not brainless. not anymore. even if i thought of it before. no, im never going back. not anymore. you just simply doesn't know what to do with you life.
disgusting.
esp when everyone around you are almost the same as you're.
you said u read and it's it very obvious, so i think you should know that i love my ex? LOLed. not you anymore. I could say, it seems that, i love him even more then how i used to love you. he might not be the one who pulled me out of the hell, because Remy was. But he was the one who've been thru hell with me.
remember those days when i plead like a puppy when you just came back? Do you remember what did you tell me? How did you push me off? you push me off like how a owner is dumping a pile of rubbish. when things are all messed up, you came back. Blamed me for having a bf. Blamed me for moving on. Worst thing a person would do is to say, "so when are you breaking off with you bf?"wad's this crap? You even said stuff like all you love was me? WTF? if so, where's all the evidence? those girls you had? nah they just prove that, you don't love me like how you said. it's just showing me plain simple that. you need someone there. anyone would do the job. so. GET LOST from my life.
I don't need you anymore. and please stop your crap about how i mistreat you when, i did not. it was you who slept with someone else. HOW DARE YOU SPOUT NONSENSE TO PEOPLE SAYING HOW BAD I WAS? Even i was bad to you, please it was the start of the relationship when we haven't even settled down and, all i did was to give people number when they asked. but i never replied. and i would say i didn't even ill-treated you. and, please remember something. it's you snatched me forcefully away from my ex.
WHEN YOU NEEDED HELP, I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO HELP YOU. EVEN WHEN YOU OWN MOTHER COULD NOT. PLEASE BE GRATEFUL. and not turning your back and bite people when they treated you so well. Even a dog knows who's good and bad. sad to say, you are worst then a dog.
Even if, he doesn't wan to patch with me, i would not go back to you. NOT ANYMORE. (: I rather wait for him then wasting my time with you.
felt quite happy [cause, he finally felt that she's irritating. =DD] despite the weird feeling i had earlier on. it just felt like what i had alway experience when something went wrong with "him" be it he was in ph or when we were still tgt.. and it've been quite sometime since i experience it. the last was like i think, on my way back frm kl last yr.
wadever it is, i hope it've nothing to do with him that's what matter to me now. =D
i hope he'll score well for his exam tml. ♥♥♥
♥♥♥ ALL THE BEST ♥♥♥ xoxo
was tidying up some stuff... placing the neoprints inside my collection of neoprints which made me go thru everything.. and i saw this...
.
.
.
.
.
TA-DA!!
and i started to laugh like crap.
he said i look young. but...
it was only last yr feb. in other words.
FML. I GREW OLD IN A YEAR!
DAMNIT.
p/s: i hope we will find our way back tgt once again ):
where am i heading to. or where should i head to. i'm so lost.
chatted with nicko. and we ended talking about angel again. gahh. this guys just couldn't ever leave angel out of his conversation. it just made me remember that scar that left. he asked me to think carefully. it just seems that, im too tired and lost that i cant think and analyze anymore.
chatted with him for almost a day. starting from noon. though, as usual, i did not wanna chat half way, so i took ages to reply him. and i ended with him telling me. he told him that i always stopped replying halfway. haha. that was quite true. but not really sometimes, i did that just to make him miss me more. -.-"
nicko showed me a link and says he miss that photo very much. link
i dun really like chatting online. i think, technology is bringing everyone too close at times, i hate it. i think it cause everyone to be more apart then being close, and from being close to being apart. Contradicting.
This really start to make me think, what's a bf for, when he has no time to meet you, when at the start almost everyday. slowly, it became, not even once a week. seeing him saying broke, but, he could buy a pack of cigg rather then saving that lil amt up. or having plans to head to a club, though he might not worry about the money. im utterly disappointed. so, that's what's important to him. nothing that has me in it. worrying for him, is not something i should be doing anymore. he doesn't care. so the more i shouldn't.
still remembering those times, he came down just to surprise me to send me home. meet me after school for dinner, fetch me out and stuff. now. everything became nothing.
what's worst is i saw my small little stitch that has been with me for more than a year, being dirty, i wanted to have it wash. and i threw it into the washing machine.. and it was all torn. that little thing has been with me almost everywhere, even school. I'm so upset by every tiny little things that add up and it became a huge disappointment. but im pretty sure of a thing that is, everything is losing it grip.
Finally had a new haircut. i think there's not really much different.
Friday night was a happening one? -.-" i was wrking in bell. rather upset that day. so i talk more then usual so cust asked me to drink more then usual. and worst of all. they suck. get tequila shots from me. and mix with BEER! WTF?! it smell so badly that i wanted to puke before i even consumed it. GAH! drank drank drank. received text frm aaron. asking why din't i call back or text him. i rem asking him why. and i don't rem what but i re-read my text and he says he wanna find me. blablabla. ended i ended work at 2 but i saw merissa so i stayed back trying to sell finish my second tray. but. din't managed as they took teq shot instead of my breezer shots. blablabla. i was rather high alr. i told aaron i go find him in dfly. and that's how i landed there. happily. jumping around if i din't rem wrongly. HAHAS! and baby either called or texted me, i can't rem. so i told him i'll meet him la. blablabla.
was supposed to meet jx and friends to Universal Studio. but. i did not manage to wake up at the time we are supposed to meet. so. zzz! missed it. rotted the whole noon. and went for a movie at night. things are rather weird. and i couldn't sleep as usual. so i reread messages. and i saw one message. that really disappoint me till now. i don't even know weather, he meant it or not. wanted to ask him earlier on but. i don't know how to start.. where do i stand. i do not know. sighs.
woken up out of sudden again. haven't been having a good sleep recently.
someone called me middle of the night wanting to meet me. i don't know what i should feel or rather, how i should feel. maybe that drunkard wouldn't even remember that he called me. and asked me alot of stuff. as usual, i wouldn't say. he asked some stuff. i doesn't know if i should reconsider or not. sighh.
the greediness for human is unlimited. once u get sth, you will want more. i dun deny that.
i don't know weather to thank him or not. bcus if he didn't called, i wouldn't have land on his blog again. i told myslf there wouldn't be anymore entries, jus because i felt like reading it, i went in. i saw one new entry written during noon. i don't know how i should feel. really. becus after what he told me on msn, about what i've said before when i just started work in D8 and got drunk he came down to fetch me back. and i mean dead drunk. i din't know, i could still talk. -.-"
and i know how badly it hurts. i typed quite a lengthy comment numerous of time but i deleted them over and over again. and ended i still left a comment over that post. unsure if he would sees it anot. as there wouldn't be any notification sent. neither did i want him to read it. nor din want him to read it.
that very last message i received from him before he went to bed was a rather sad one. it just made me cried all over again. Eyes are swollen and puffy again after i read that post of his. zzz.
humans are just the reflection of God's dark side. im not a Christian neither did i workship satan but. everything just come to the point which makes me feel so. since the day i accepted christ. that sentence sure bring back memories. ):
am at his home at this hour on a Sunday. cus, he's sick, and it doesn't felt right to leave him alone. This fellow seriously, doesn't know how to take care of himself. -.-" sick and wanting to eat sth fried. i don't even know why did i even agreed to it earlier on. DUH!
class is in the noon tomorrow (that's if there's class) and im actually wondering how am i going to endure those random sharp pain im having on and off when im in school. sometimes it's so unbearable.
school had started for a week alr. and everything seems near to track. gotta work real hard this year. no more saying hopefully everything goes well..though i hoped that time could turn back. to those days. those happy days. those were irreplaceable. unstoppable. and unforgettable. GAH! everything is just way too late to turn back.
sometimes. i wondered. had i made the wrong choice to select and step into this pit hole. and, all came out was yes. it was a wrong choice. -.-" no matter how much i tried, everything just doesn't seem the way. yes. im tired. HA! really exhausted. i doesn't wish to think anymore. sometime, i just hope that my brain could just shut down that very moment.
Eclipse was such a let down. It wasn't what i expected. watch with him.. then walk all the way from cine to PS. which my legs are crying out loud. got what i wanted to get. and went back home to meet bf for dinner. and then im dead tired already and went to sleep as early as 10pm. nice. which when bf reach his home, im alr sleeping like a pig. all i remember is him calling me and i dont remember the content HAHAH! XD!
anyway, tonight would be working at sakura. wish me luck. sighhh im pretty scare. T.T
the only wallet that made me used it for almost 3 years was missing on mon. i duno why is it missing cus, my camera, my phone was still around. and further more. my camera was worth more then my wallet cus, my wallet is so cui alr. but.. i still like it very much.
YES part of it is because it's the only thing from him that im still using. for such a long time. remembering how it was being given to me just made me even more sad. called sophia and told her. I dont care about the money being missing in my wallet. i just hope someone return it to me even if it's a empty wan. cus, inside. there's actually quite abit of cash i would say. and his atm card along with mine. and a memory card that has almost all our photos. ): seriously i regret putting inside my wallet. that memory card wasn't even mine. sighs.
That day, i guess it's because i saw Thomas there. happily half half with him with his glass of martel rocks and one shot of tequila in it. damn. after not long. i dunno wad happen around anymore. i heard i bite my partner joline. im so sorry.
and i guess i made my own bf super upset regarding this incident. as it should be me looking after my own belonging yet im saying him stupid. cus he did not check for my wallet. sighh.
urghs. im still very sad about this losting my wallet. GAH!
It just look like any place isn't it? look Closer it's made up of all the crab shells. That's at amk. we went to try that crab bee boon, ok i think its only me cus he ate before. -.-" . It tasted ok. not really amazing but it's good enough i think.
supposed to get down to D8 collect pay but last min. Received a text from someone saying come down tomorrow instead. WTH? delay again been almost going a month. and im going very broke soon. ):
Had an argument with him earlier on. he said his mum would say stupid stuff he she saw us blablabla. i asked what type of stupid stuff and he say "she will ask me take care of u blablabla" nice. isn't this stupid stuff he mention stupid enough to realize that it's stupid to take care of your own girlfriend. nice. that's the nicest things i ever heard out from his mouth!
Received a phone call days back from him. saying he's back from Genting. @.@
look Closer it's made up of all the crab shells.
not really amazing but it's good enough i think.
