Labels: musical, nightlife., precious jiejie, random

went back to the place where the well build impression of _____ and the views i had in guys change drastically.

all are the same. be it rich or poor. be it in good health or not. its the same. 
i've seen too much, heard too much, gone thru too much.

came back with a heavy heart.
i didn't want to come back.
i wanted to run away from this place from things that are so, skeptical.


~


Thank you "mummy" for this short trip.
(Transportation and lodging was sponsored by mummy cause he didn't want to allow me and sissy go alone before that so sissy suggested that and he really sponsor. initially i was still wondering are they serious. =/ )

came back quite some time. but i didn't wan to feel that im back so.. totally no update at all.
(^.^)v

saw mike on the poster of a new move. ("v")

the most funky clown i ever seen.






yummy~ we pluck our own strawberries. ^.^

spent an awesome time with sissy and mummy (& Tobias who is mum's brother, which came one day after us). catching movie, and wanting to vomit almost after every ride. (im seriously very screwed up. i am afraid of heights + motion sickness) plucking strawberries, going to shroom factory etc. NOT TO FORGETTING THAT.... -.-" everyone laugh at me being a scary cat. cause, i got freak out at the "haunted mansion", and i haven even enter i had already scream t.w.i.c.e...
the people doing the shift was laughing at me. -________-||

once in a life time experience,



AYE MOST MEMORABLE AND EPIC MOMENT IS... A SPAROW SHIT ACTUALLY LANDED ON MY HAIR! WTF! ): and... i didn't notice it. -_______-"


will (erm, more like maybe. =/ ) upload more pics when i recieve them from sissy phone.

this photo is quite heavily "squashed" in photoshop.
12 yrs and counting. (::


One can never understand the things another did is because they never stand at a overall to look at how things were but to only judge from only a point of it. 
maybe, DRAW A MINDMAP, it might give a clue!!! 


// One can never understand what is going through another person life unless he gone through all the gloomiest part of the life. //
therefore, trying to explain to someone who never has gone through, no matter how you explain, they wouldn't understand. it's the same as you can never understand why a murder choose to kill or why a person does things that you might think it's hazardous to life or related.


words are easy to be said rather then understanding what is going on.
& not everything has to be make it very clear 'cause every humans has their own pride and ego towards certain issues.

Labels: precious jiejie

wip is over for a sec.

and i felt so depressed. i cant find any outcomes to do for my finals. ):

things around me hasn't been great.

im heavy over stressed. and have been puffing real lot recently. and i gain weight weirdly. i think puffing just make me gain weight. a bit, or was it the drinks?

urghs. i dont know. dont want to know.

just. i want some work done.

it just doesn't happen. even when i've tried. ):

headed to jb with pat for some lok lok session =D

me likey bird eggs!


Thursday was with zl, yb at eurika. stupid zl jio us to such a place! fml.
jeff came down find us then we headed to aura after eurika. (:


fri ;;

meet up with jiejie for lunch and catch up section. (:


Did something stupid at night while i was at club geegeegee with belle. I got a shock when i saw what i send and... Say i didnt sent it. -.-" seriously WTF?!

Omg lor!


days are awesome when people you love are surrounding you.
loves days like this.

and ps. patrick is just a very good friend. i detest it when people text me and then asked patrick huang sibo. -.-" so if you people stay near me and then ask me out always means you have sth with me?! wtf..
anyway. he's interested in my friend. isabelle chan! and real obsessed with her! =/

ok. she is gonna kill me when she saw this post of mine. =X

Labels: aura, precious jiejie, randoms

Ever wonder how afterlife will be?

Ever wonder abt things that even science couldn't explain?


-----

I jus realised i changed my pw unknowingly. Never knew that youtube and blogger acct was the same pw and that they are linked. -.-//

Anyway, migraine has been following me for 5 days alr. Dont know whats happening. Doc says if it continue i might need to go for a check up in the hospital.. Which i seriously doesnt want to. TT.TT sighhhh. Pulse and pressure check is normal though.

With the med given all i could do is take the med and then do a little of my work then there goes. Me being asleep. Its so strong that my gastric would hurts at times when i take the med at night.

It's gonna be ok isnt it? Its jus pills//

Went again to the doc earlier on as my headache doesnt stop. He prescribed me stronger painkiller and i gotta ask for a non drowsy ones so i could do my work instead of sleeping. //

Days goes by as though i met u thru my dreams and you dont exist in reality. Happiness only occur when im asleep.

Maybe i should get back to work, unwanting to go back partly was just because am still holding on to sth that isnt mine to start with anymore... Perhaps that kinda distraction would be good. But again, if im going back, i dont know when i will stop. Still hesitating . ):

I dont even know why did i even stop working for so long when the reason that made me decide to stop is no longer a prob why i should stop anymore..//

Met ah jie after i visit the doc. And i told her i am actually thinking if i should go back to work..she totally dislike the idea of me going back to work. Most people would disapproved anyway. Still thinking and hesitating though.



_♪♪你的离开就像小提琴离开了音乐♪♪_

Labels: precious jiejie, randoms

Lying to myslf is bad.
Pretending to be fine in front of everyone feels terrible.


Very bad. Really. Seriously why. I dont get it.

Packed up almost 24 hr of my time. But still i would think of him. Is it that, i haven pack my time enough or what? ):

Why would people just move on or feelings has changes jus in a snap of finger?! ):
How did they do that?

The only advantage of this is that i lose alot of weight. All of my shorts are too lose.

ah jie bought a share for me when i was at her place...


Totally make me feel so upset. it just remind me of him... looking at that old couple that is being printed in the container make me feel sad. this world is filled realistic people all around..//



Had steamboat at jie place on sat night and... We spent 200bucks on all the ingredients. Hahha!! Totally scary.



some stuff are even more expensive then what sg is retailing at. brands are limited as well unless you are looking for sports brands such as Nike, Adidas, Puma etc.. and. it's so HOT! i could hardly breath. and... i bought nothing branded, just a top and a shorts from COTTON ON! i wonder who would buy there -.-" since i don't really shop cotton on in sg and i have no time at all to even get out, i decided to buy there. hmm, size 4.. im a US size 4 now. im quite shock. -.-" i always buy 5 or 6.. there's even once i bought from mango a size 8 shorts. GAH!

Labels: precious jiejie, randoms, S, school stuff

So much for trusting people. I gave a bit and end of the day. What did i get? Even when he says he dont like her or sth, then why would he scared that she will be worry? It's almost as though he doesnt want her to misunderstand.

"finally manage to find connection. I miss you; there is two beds; cus i dont want my baby to worried; dont worry there no feelings left" isn't this very wrong? His baby. And so which is the truth?

I asked him once, did he fall for someone. He said no. Then tell me why. Cause i wouldnt uds this. If he told me yes, i would feel hurt but it wouldn't be this hurting. and i wouldnt even see his phone.

No matter how close im with samuel, i wouldnt say stuff like theres two bed so dont worry. Why trying to assure and explain so much? Even saying he miss her. And finally got connection to give her a text.. When he claim no feelings is there. I told him last yr that stuff he do is very misleading most of the time. Oh ya. He did mention he has no feelings left for me in that message i saw. Then why he tell me its all time low?

He said no to falling for others. Then what is this that i saw?

He even said if i don't believe can ask her. But. End of the day he didnt even called her to clarify or anything.. So who to believe?

my friends would always ask me. U dont scare he meet other girls or what when both of u didnt meet? I would say no he wouldn't la. Plus he don't have the time. But... If i were to think again. Actually he does have some free time to. But i chose to say he wouldn't never did i once think that he would do this but... It actually happen.

I know it's partly my fault how this rs turn out. I know it's also my fault for looking his phone. But really i know his pw since the day we get back tgt when he just get his iphone last yr. I nvr once look at his phone. This is how much i tried to trust that didn't get regnorised. He always claimed i never. When actually i did even after aaron did to me. And what he did now... Was almost double of what aaron did. Cus aaron would admit it. But he told me nothing is going on. If its jus a dear, or whatsoever i think maybe i would have mistaken. But baby?

Called jie straight away. Cus i know i cannot take it anymore i feel like crying so badly. She was shock as well, we never would believe that he is someone like this. Called wins and told him, cus he was the one who told me, everything would be alright. But this time, he made everything wrong. Nth is alright. Nothing.

He just haven't realise how badly this has hurted me. With this. Im lost again. Don't show me any care and take it back. Im not a fish. I have feelings.

He even added they know very long already and he always find her when both of them are single. He said to me he don't fling. But isn't this almost flinging? But why haven i heard her name before when i told him i have a bro i called him baobei right from the start.. When he only told me he have a close gf that he treat as brother. When i open up all to him. But after knowing him a yr plus.. Then i heard about this baby of his, who is he trying to kid? Really, i feel like trying to believe him, cause, 3 cases shown me that he is not someone like this but.. This 3 doesnt involve with the name callings.

If people were to wonder why did i even unlock his phone, it's because i really want to know what is he thinking for the very first time i dont get what he's trying to do.

Therefore i hope to know wtf is going on his mind.

He scolded me for being irresponsible for running off the rm without telling him when he was bathing. Responsibility. He claimed but who does he have to be responsibile to? He's no baby sitter.

So much for getting myslf in shits again. This is the third time. When im serious, when i learn to give abit. I get more then what i want.

Is it so fucking hard to get what i want?

He said if he were to know im this emo he wouldnt even come this trip. I just want to say if im not emo, then this isn't love. If thing he do doesnt affect me at all. I would never hang and wait this long. 9 mths he claim that is how long he got to get the courage to get back but i stopped persisting on it. So why does it feel so onesided at times?

Then isnt it even weirder when he came and slp over at my place? I did asked if he want to climb in or not. Cus if theres nth gg on i dont want my dad to know although i didnt say, but is like a you should know thing. Cus. I never brought guys hm. Aaron was the first but usually he climb in. He was the second. He said no he dont want to climb in. So... Unknowing what is gg on i tried to stay awake the night and allowing him to have my bed. But he text me saying if im tired jus come in and slp. He didnt occupy the entire bed. I feel so weird that i told sophia. If she wanna call me, tell me in fb first. And she ask me as well why so weird.

Even im drunk i could rem him. Wtf is this?!

He said he dont like me wrking in nightlife. Sleezy might be the word. I try to quit. If he isn't that poor why would i work there? I wanted to help him unload his burdens as much as i could. But he seems to forget always that i dont get the same treatment as others. When he compared their rs and ours.

Isnt this abit taking for granted?

I dont rob, dont steal nor sell my body. Why doest he have to make me sound like one. I earn my own, spent my own. Never did i spent his single cent. Unless it's him who buy stuff randomly for me. And i did appreciate it.

He said stuff he do isnt regnorised by me to wins. Wins actually told me he text him. Which i didnt expect it. Really. He did it before even telling me. And then wins even scold me and somewhat stand on his side. Saying i was at the fault, shuldnt talk to him this way. Shuldnt put anger into wrds but all this he done it to me as well.

Then stuff that ive done isnt being regnorised as well. I know the more explaining the more darker it is. Therefore i nvr tell him this much.

This is too much for me to take.

I think, im emotionally unstable for the first time ever. Very unstable that i feel breathless and choke. And now I seriously feel that humans are all hypocrites. I admit im one as well but i'll never do this to people i care of cus.

If trying to impress someone was to show all ur gd and another person bad. I rather be dead.

It take two to clap. Two to walk, one to see. Blind by love indeed i am.

Even when he told me how stress he was yest, this time i could no longer link it to the message. What find someone calling them baby to destress? Is that it? Although i tried it before. But it ended us tgt. And yes its him. So how do i believe nth is gg on? Tell me. Sometimes i rather be dead. Really. As least a dead has no feelings. Just something soild lying there.

If u people were to be me... Will you believe in things he said?

Wanted to give him a surprise initially tonight but... I... Got no mood to do so anymore. I really jus feel like sleeping it away. And im not kidding. Doing so much. Dont say im being emo or what but i think i have all the rights being this way. Im not as fake as people are saying it feel terrible yet trying to be cheerful. Whats the whole pt?

Facade.

Labels: aaron koh, precious jiejie, S, trust

had a good talk with my all time sister and now that im still unsure what am i doing. i told her my worries and stuff. but to my disappointment, she told me, perhaps i am really tired of trying. somewhat, i am not sure though. 

Labels: my mother is a bitch., precious jiejie, randoms, S

the question that i kept asking myself.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?

for almost a week, i puked gastric juice, just when i tot im fine alr cause yest was ok. feeling so much better. but it have to get worst. i puked blood just now. ):

WHAT I THINK IS HAPPENING IS...

I DRINK TOO MUCH?

anyway. yest met up with jie and di. Actually i had my lunch with samantha alr. cause i was too hungry. but still i dragged di down. LOL! so i had round 2 but i cant finish it. even though it's like small portion only. jie wanted to eat Manhattan Fish market. so we headed there. she was very rush. finish eating she left. -_______-;; so i watied with di till evening cause he's meeting py and reb. was too tired to join them. GAH.

work was ok on fri. but when it come to sat. nice one. i cant sell my shots. very bad. i wasn't feeling well as i vomited blood earlier on, so i dare not really drink that day. Candy was nice, to help me out. very grateful.

then sheena was drunk. and i laught so hard at her. she fall on the bushes outside marina mandrine hotel. sophia and i was like !!! then she turn and look at us and all of us laugh. after falling she kept saying "im very wet leh. eeeee. tissue. very wet lor." HAHAHHA! funny to the max. not that we wanted to laugh at her falling. we can't stand the funniness when she drunk. im the most sober that day.

and this is what happen when we reach timah rail way mall.




gahh! unpleasent.

speaking of that. the pg at avatar CMI.

Labels: baobei didi, precious jiejie

looking thru my entries again. adding in the labels for some recent entries//

Labels: precious jiejie

Maybe...
having two entries 
within few hours isn't great.

hurt would do me better perhaps.
read thru everything once again,
those happy, sad, confused moment.
those those mixed feelings..
everything.
last but not least those pte post with my real tots,
which had never been post or said out unless..
maybe...
i leak out when i was drunk..

some part of me felt like im a wandering soul. letting time goes by aimlessly, letting tears flow as thought im a water fountain.

this is my karma.
sophia told me..
this was how much he was hurt by me.
and i'm just going thru what he felt previously.

I wanted to text jie, but... when i wanted to type the msg i saw her previous reply and i cant help it but to place the phone down once more and took the first slit. maybe this pain would do better then having her worrying for me feeling vexed and troubled over her school work..

somewhat, she could no longer help/be there for me like how she used to anymore.. it's no longer, the same ever since everyone of us got attached. ):

i need a warm hug from someone that could tell me everything would be alright. 
Someone that could stay with me for days beside me.. be it guys or girls..
but there's no one left. 
it'll jus be me. alone.

Labels: precious jiejie

it's very hurting really.
to see that.

maybe it's was way too impossible. i should had know that when you told me.. but. i didn't want to give up. and now. it landed too much far too much beyond my ability to repair or heal. there's nothing i could have done now to take back the feelings i had given from the start... which i did not want to admit it. and it's making me suffocating real badly. i could barely sleep for 5 hours and i'll be awake. i barely finish a meal. and. now worst. im exhausted. from everything that's been happening. i've kept trying for more then a month, but. all i get from him was always a rejection. I never done something like this before to feel so pathetic. i never plead someone so badly for another chance before. everyone has it's first and this is my first. and also my last but, you could never give me that chance. cause you said i had mine. a part of me still hoped that you would change your mind..

Sometimes, it feels like i've forgotten how to breath. 
i would stop and think, is this how we breath?

it was almost a year since we met.. it all fall on 11th.
sometimes i hoped that you'd tell me you would take the risk and give me that chance i wanted. even though it hurts. or maybe you'd said, you'd still wanna meet me out and stuff but i no longer see that happening only in dreams i would see that happening for that short little while.. so i think, more or less, the love for me in you is gone, and there's nth more in me that u would wan to grab on badly anymore. ): disheartened to type this out. as little as i wan anyone who pop by to read this. but i've decided to write out, since, there wouldn't be daily readers. 


i hate myself for landing into helpless situation like this. This was the third time... but it's also first time ever in my life, that i felt so terrible, helpless and pathetic. Each and every time, it took me days and i could be normal jumping around happily once again. and the previous time, two weeks, this time, it's not helping. Nothing really helps. i tried almost all possible ways to not to contact you like what jie said, but it's always not happening that i would be very tempted to and i contacted you on the 3rd day.. Today, it's the 3rd day, without any contact. not any sms not any msn, not any phone calls. ):

I’m with the sweetest thang that’s on the map 

I broke her his heart in 30 seconds flat
-heartbreaker

i don't know if..

i should have post this entry or not

or would he still read this or not. 

i just hope this wouldn't cause anything. 

for people who, said, you'd be there always, 

thank you breaking it. 

for ended the one and only one who is here, 

is still her.

Labels: precious jiejie, S

it's a mistake to give my pw. -.-"

i think she read my entire blog including my pervious pte post. -___________-"

i dunno wad to say. gahh!
like really totally no secret liao.
felt so naked now. -.-"

but i hope. she didn't read till there. -.-" omgahhh! if not i think she'd turn red right now.

Labels: precious jiejie

ok. ended, i still do not bare to leave this space that have been with me for years.

and it's always there that im writing out every single thing. it just felt so different typing in the other space that i created. so. im abandoning that space instead. that was called bottledwordsofmine. HAHAHA, i realised that i like long urls.

things weren't smoothly as it goes. went to print with mt to realise that, i did wrongly. very wrong. GAH. but i only spend about an hour doing that. so, i shall not curse and swear at myslf.

my area has slowly became, rats paradise. rats were running all aroung the place -.-". met up with jie last night for supper, plus girls talk. while mummy is having his supper with rats. =X i was screwed by her last night. -.-" GAHHH! ok. second time. GAHHHH!!!! i know i know. i started this crap. -.-"

talking to her seriously make me feel so much better but... i had insomnia after talking much with her. because, i told her, i don't feel like continuing school due to some reason. and we ended talking way too much about it and GAH! i cant sleep. chatted with sophia middle of the night and i invented a new word for her. drunken kiss.


im lost in my own space, with all blanks. i know as well, i shouldn't have text him this noon. it way more empty after texting him. it seems like we have nothing to talk and he moved on, happily planning trips and stuff with his friends already. hahaha. guess i should feel happy for him ba. 

Labels: precious jiejie, S, school stuff

Pack my bags, and i'll leave just like how it should be in the first place. I miss you. i did. but it had came to a disappointment to realize it's not what i thought it should be. I'm leaving behind two words, take care.

Met up with reb and jie. had dinner together and some little catch up. Told them, sth they was like -____-" cus i told them, guys have to let go of their pride and ego if they wants me. HAHAHAHHA! =X

am feeling rather confuse but suan le. if im going to think more, who knows what tomorrow would happen. As this morning i almost got bang -______-" again. BLA! it was a real close call. fcuk.

sprained my ankle on the way back with jie. and it hurts abit. ): got off the interchange and walk home, this guy is weird. he walk up and say you need me send u home. -______-"

school work is starting to pile up and I'll be smashing all my leftover time to work. good luck to me. and you.

emptying my filled up heart. starts from tomorrow.

Labels: precious jiejie, S

Labels: precious jiejie, S

♥ Sweet Escapes

Leaving so soon?

♥i regular:
* Sophia 1 * 2 * 3
*winston "GYM1" ♥
* kenny sia
* xiaxue
* samanthia ♥*samantha ♥
* vEroniCa ♥
* sheena
her random click:
* Cynthia
* Cindy ♥
* [[rebecca]]JIEJIE FRWEN :) ♥
* MEOW MEOW
* Ainah
* aLvis
*xin tian
*yvOnne
*zimin
* sheng Long
* willy
* DJ peifen
* peh gek
* cherie
* lingzi
* huiyi1*huiyi2
* xue fen
* cLifton
* shawna
* ziyan
* shuld be ALEX de blog
* siokyit
* weii Qiiang
* qiu ping
* merilynn 1* 2
* Canti
* Ken
* yiting
* silly dumb
* shyrlyn
* jovin

♥ My Foot Steps

rewind back to the past

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